Saturday, May 11, 2019

Superior Bars - Gotta Catch 'Em All!

Well, that was way too long between blog posts.

In order to get this blog back on track, I began looking for somewhat of a raison d'etre, a reason for existence, if you will, that could keep on even after I became more acclimated to my new surroundings.  Or barring that, at least a certain je ne sais quois even if I don't know what that means.

As it so happens, I like beer.  And Superior seems to really like its beer too.  Now instead of sitting around at home while I take down a pint or two without interacting with anyone, I usually prefer to go to a bar and drink a pint or two without interacting with anyone.  For Finlanders, this counts as being an extrovert.

And Suptown, in case people aren't aware, kind of has a LOT of bars.  I have some OCD tendencies that brought about this aspiration:  has anyone visited EVERY bar in Superior?  Because I want to be the first to accomplish that.  Not necessarily in one evening.

What would it take to hit up every bar in Superior?  First, "Superior" in this case means the city limits.  A hidden gem dive bar in, say South Range or Hermantown, might be noteworthy but wouldn't count towards "every bar in Superior."  A possible exception would be on the outskirts of town if there are establishments outside city limits that have a liquor license administered by the city.  Otherwise, the geographic definition is pretty well set.

Ah, but then we're left with the existential question all Superiorites have on some level always asked themselves.  Like Trinity said at the beginning of The Matrix, "...And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him.  I was looking for an answer.  It's the question that drives us, it's the question that brought you here.  You know the question just as I did."

Just what IS a bar, anyway?

A bar, for the purpose of this project, has to have several characteristics.

  1. It must serve beer, wine, and/or mixed drinks/cocktails containing some degree of alcohol.  Ok, that one is pretty obvious.
  2. You must be able both legally and practically to consume the alcohol on site.  Just so you know, downing as much of the 77-pack of Natty Light as humanly possible inside the Kwik Trip beer cooler does not make that a bar, even if you promise to tip your server.
  3. It has to be open until 9 p.m. or later on weekdays and 10 p.m. or later on weekends.  There may be some flexibility in here, but in general a coffee shop or a family restaurant with a beer menu is not necessarily a bar.
Armed with my definitions for what I will seek out and where, I wanted to give this project some degree of consistency by asking a few questions at each location.
  1. Why is the bar called ______?  Sometimes it'll be an obvious answer.  "Wide World of Wings" is called that because they serve what exactly?  But even then, there are plenty of names for a chicken wing joint, so why that one?  If the waiter or bartender says, "Hell if I know," that will make it into the post as well.
  2. Is there anything about the location or the building that is a bit of untold local history.  I live for this kind of stuff.  "The barstool you're sitting on is the very spot where, after a long and busy day for the manager of The Anchor, the ghost of Calvin Coolidge appeared and told him to email Guy Fieri so he (Fieri) could tell the rest of the world about the olive burger." is the kind of story I'm looking to hear.  It doesn't even have to be true, as long as it's something people tell each other there.
  3. Is there any specific beer, mixed drink, food item, or experience here that you think sets you apart?  If they say yes, I will try that thing and write about it*.
*With the caveat that the item has to be something a single person or the group I'm with can safely consume.  "Our specialty is a 55-gallon Long Island ice tea, served in a life-size replica statue of Brett Favre, perfect for parties of three or more!" is not something I'm taking on by myself.

And finally, although my beer consumption is exhausting but not yet exhaustive, I've noticed at least one thing about Superior bars that's different than other places.  You all play a certain song by Tom Petty A LOT.  It's really your city's unofficial anthem, whether you realize it or not.  In fact, I would not be a bit surprised if at my first sporting event in town the broadcaster calls out to the crowd, "Please rise and face the flag, and gentlemen remove your hats as the high school seniors brass quartet leads us in a rendition of 'Last Dance with Mary Jane.'"

So each post will conclude with a running total of how many times I have heard that song in a Superior bar.

My frequent haunts tend so far to be The Spirit Room, Jack's, Shorty's, The Anchor, VIP, Keyport, and Aces.  Those may get their posts more quickly than others, but I'm open to suggestions too.

Oh my my, oh hell yes...

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